Ever have one of those days when you wake up all twisted and clenched inside and can't quite figure out why? That was me today. I have bouts of anxiety, I know this, I deal with it, and get on with things, usually.
Today was worse than it has been in a long time, and I'm not entirely sure why. Could be that I'm trying to decide whether to go on a big expensive trip, but I've been mulling that for a month or two. Could be because I have a pre-milestone birthday tomorrow, but I haven't been feeling stress about that. Could just be that my brain decided I'd gone too long without major anxiety and I need to be kept on my toes. Who knows.
If I still lived alone, I may have stayed at home all day, even though it was a beautiful, sunny, summer Saturday and the markets were full of good food and interesting people. I'm glad I went out, I got some of that food, and visited with some of those people, and there were moments during which the anxiety abated, but never quite disappeared.
What have I learned today? That if I have major anxiety, I need to not hibernate. I need to get out amongst people and sunshine, at least for a little while.
Let's hope I remember this for next time.
Enjoy what's left of the weekend.
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