Sunday, September 20, 2009


Emotional one, that is. Today has been a doozy, and I can only guess as to why.

This morning was fine. I had a late breakfast at Chestnut Hill Cafe, wrote in my journal a bit, had a nice conversation with a couple I used to see often when we all went to Dosie Dough on Lemon Street before it changed hands. Nice.

I saw Julie & Julia this afternoon. I loved it, it made me cry, of course. I nearly always cry at movies that are even the least bit touching. I rarely cry in real life anymore, which may be why I am watching more movies lately.

When I came home, I had a conversation with a friend that brought things up. Some old, some new, and I found myself in tears again. Since the conversation was via chat, sobbing didn't actually impede conversation. I hold too tightly to things that made me happy once, even if they are no longer relevant to my life. That was part of it. The other part was what comes next for me.

I have been working at a temp assignment since the beginning of August. In day-to-day dealings, I like the people I work with, but am not crazy about the work, and am not crazy about corporate work in general. I may be offered the position I have been filling this week, and even though I'm pretty sure I don't want it and know that it would drive me crazy if I took it, I begin to second-guess my gut instinct at the prospect of benefits and full-time work, especially in the midst of an uncertain economy. The conversation turned to this dilemma. My friend had my best interests at heart when encouraging me to take it, but I pushed back, because it doesn't feel right, and I don't want to take another full-time job, only to find myself miserable enough to leave it in a year or less. I don't want to disappoint people, but it feels as though it'll happen no matter what, sooner or later.

After that plunge, I took a walk in the fall afternoon, ate a juicy Asian pear, and came home feeling better. Then I knocked a jug of maple syrup with a loose cap (didn't know it) off a refrigerator shelf and had to clean up a sticky puddle.

It just goes on and on. Up-down-up-down. Some days are like this, I suppose, but I haven't had one quite this rocky for a while. I'm obviously on a transition point, one way or another, and it's clearly throwing me off-balance. I'm hoping I can breathe through it and come out the other side without major public embarrassment.

After today, the work week should be smooth sailing.

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