Loosening My Grip

I've come to a few decisions over the past couple of days, and they all boil down to release. I need to try to let go of all of these things I keep worrying about, because in most cases I have no control over them anyway. I can't say I won't think about them at all, but I need to step back from them, because if I don't I'll only make myself crazy and that won't be good for anyone.

So, my friend going through a string of bad days -- I can keep thinking about him and hoping that things let up for him and his situation soon, but I can't keep constantly wondering if things are okay. Eventually there will be a turning point and he'll feel better and I hope it's sooner rather than later, but my worrying about it won't make it come any faster.

The complicated feelings/situation/guy -- They'll all resolve themselves one way or the other eventually. My feelings won't be any less complicated, but I can take a few steps back from them and recognize that turning them over and over like a magpie with something shiny won't make them any less confusing or complicated. All there is for this is time.

My new physical state -- I'm beginning to re-introduce formerly forbidden foods into my diet. It is a conscious choice that will inevitably lead to weight gain. I don't need to be a certain size for things to work our for me, and if I did, then the things probably wouldn't be what I'd truly want or need anyway.

The only new wrinkle in this whole plan is that (with some convincing from my sister) I've decided to take another stab at the meeting-someone-online approach. I don't have much confidence that it will work, and I'm honestly still far more interested in the complicated situation, but I need to do something to open my life up a little bit beyond the matters that have been consuming so much of my mental energy lately. If that means composing emails to people I may or may not want to sit across a table from down the road, then so be it. For now, at least.

The ultimate goal is just a bit more calm at the present moment. Some breathing space between the what-ifs I carry around with me every day. The possibility of things that will make me smile. Doesn't that sound nice?

Why I'm Here

I am beginning this, sitting at Prince Street Cafe, because I miss blogging. I don't quite know what this will evolve into, but I know I'll be talking about living in Lancaster: what I do here, interesting things that may be happening, and anything else about it that may pop into my head.There will also likely be knitting content, and talk about the writing I may or may not be doing at any moment.

I don't plan to get intensely personal about my life, but that's not to say I won't talk about anything other than strictly general information. I hope people find me and enjoy what I have to say, but I make no guarantees about anything.

That said, I guess a bit of introduction may be in order. I am a woman in my late thirties, sharing a two floor apartment in a converted row house in Lancaster, PA with my boyfriend and another housemate. I am currently, technically, unemployed, having recently been laid off from my job selling yarn. I do a bit of freelance writing and proofreading, but not enough, at the moment, to be able to constitute a living wage.

In the short term, I am doing some writing, scanning the meager Sunday Employment ads, and trying to sort out what comes next. In the longer term, I'll have to come up with something. Ideally, I would like to find work in downtown Lancaster, because I love being able to walk to work and leave my car parked most of the time. Given the current job market, I may have to compromise, and give the temp agency more latitude in looking for assignments.

Work aside, I write and knit, and take photographs in spurts. I visit Central and Eastern Markets regularly, and try to take advantage of what Lancaster has to offer. I like to travel, but don't get myself out of town as much as I would like.

I am a new convert to Facebook and Twitter ( @wrtrmaus ) and do still manage to check Ravelry from time to time, which all adds up to a lot of time spent online, possibly too much, if I really think about it.

That's plenty for now. You'll be seeing more of me eventually.

Welcome!