Thursday, June 28, 2012

Today is for Work

I miss temping. Or, at least, I miss the flexibility of temping. I didn't take time off excessively if I had a steady, long-term assignment, but I could have. And even though I didn't get paid for them, I didn't have to worry about counting up my vacation days in order to do something I wanted to do. In April 2008 I took a three-week train trip across the country and back. It was one of the best experiences of my life and I don't know that I'll ever be able to do it again.

My family and I are planning a trip to Ireland next June. My vacation time starts over next week, which means I'll have to begin rationing and hoarding immediately in order to have enough available for a trip that's a year away. It'll be fine, and I'll make it work, but I'll chafe against the thought of it.

I'm not really cut out to have a career. I don't like being in the same job for any length of time. I get bored and restless and tired of the office politics and being told what to do by people who don't really know what it is I do in the first place. I am in my current job for my second go-round, have been for just over a year-and-a-half, and it's already getting to me. I hate the idea of having to stay somewhere that makes me miserable. I guess some people would say that I lack follow-through, that I should just stick with it, because that's what we're supposed to do, stick with things. I don't buy it.

Of course, this time around, it feels harder to leave. I have a mortgage now. I have an expensive phone. I'm earning a larger income than I've earned before (though still quite modest by most standards), so I don't have to worry too much about budgeting. All of these things make it difficult to truly think about picking up and finding something else to do again, the way I have periodically over the years.

I have thought about (and have taken small, unsuccessful stabs at) trying to write for a living, but I don't seem to have what it takes to put myself out there consistently enough to earn enough to support myself. I have a small stack of clips from mostly local magazines that are bunched together every few years, but it's not really enough to hang my expenses on.

If I advertised for a housemate and split the mortgage and utilities, I could probably swing a smaller income, but I like living by myself. I like my stuff being where my stuff is and being able to walk around naked if I want to (and come summer, I want to a lot). I don't want the freedom enough yet to make that sort of compromise, though the fact that I'm even letting it pass through my mind is an indication that wheels deep down somewhere are turning.

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